Recesses 

While listening to latest episode of Reply All I came to the insurmountable conclusion that once again I am depressed. To be fair, as this week wore on the evidence of my current state began to stack up in dirty dishes and unfolded laundry as well as in other, less material ways. I have been uninterested in almost everything. But unlike earlier times, each day gets a little less exhausting. 

On Monday I was a pit of anger. Juxtapose that with this morning, which took me less than 10 minutes to get out of bed, and I feel as if I am making great strides. 

I’ve thought a lot in the past few years about the whole “it gets better” campaign. When I was a teen and in my earlier 20s I hated it when people said that to me. Having the forgiving distance of time thus far behind me, I have to say that I still dislike that phrase. I suppose that things got better in a way, but that feels so flat as to be almost untrue. 

What I would say to that younger version of me is that there are some things you can only know through experience. You will never know how strong or joyful or brave or beautiful you can be if you don’t continue on. Life is going to continue to be hard, but it won’t be like this for the rest of it. You will surprise yourself, and you will adapt until one day you will be able to look back on how far you’ve come and you will feel proud of all you’ve accomplished without taking any of those accomplishments for granted.

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