Outside of Uncertainty 

I put in my two weeks notice today. This job change is the big decision on the horizon I’ve been alluding to. And here it is, becoming real.

I agonized over this decision. Much like my current job, the first time I heard about it I immediately ruled it out. Did I really want to leave the non-profit sector? What about all the opportunities my current position has given me? Was I really ready for this type of life change during this time? The last time I saw Dad, I asked him if he had any thoughts on what I should do. He told me to go, and then for a while he was just quiet. I carry his quiet like a comforter, and it keeps me warm. 

I asked a few more people, and bumped up against the thing I already knew I should do. I suppose I’m emphasizing how uncertain I was, because it is so true. I was submitting my resume while Dad was beginning to try to rally against the metastasis. I had a phone interview during my last visit with my dad, and the day after we got back from that trip I had an interview in-person. I was offered this new position while I was in the early stages of writing Dad’s obituary. This has been the sequence of events. I have not wanted to seem ungrateful or unsure, but my feelings surrounding Dad’s death were so strong that they eclipsed everything else. I could not imagine going on, but I did. 

I have faith in the unforseeable future, and I live in gratitude that I cannot see it–that I have the honor of experiencing life as it unfolds. And I am in awe that even if it is only this once, I can intuitively feel everything clicking into place.

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