It is as if I am here, but I am actually not. I feel removed from the things around me, and absent from my life.
Everyday I move closer to the reality of the decision I just made. Everyday I move further from the last time I saw Dad.
It feels like harmony, as it also feels like echoes of nothing.
I haven’t been able to reach back to the people who reached out to me. I think about them each day that passes and begin to compose notes until I realize that in the reality of this moment I can’t. So I forgive myself for not responding to such brilliant kindness and commit to trying again soon.
It feels like autumn, doesn’t it? It feels like Dad’s death on the precipice of a season change is yet another blessing heavy with meaning and intention for me to benefit from and carry. Even as I don’t quite feel, I appreciate that this, too, is a gift.